Friday, May 16, 2008

Off The Road

So I got back yesterday from traveling to Nebraska and Iowa for work. Road trips such as these are not uncommon, nay, they are very common in the spring. It's nice to get out of the office and see whatever it is I don't see while sitting in the office. Fortunately there are usually a couple of things that I can regale you, dear reader (or are there two of you?), with and dazzle your very soul.


The Phantom Godfather's:

So my coworker and I have already been to Lincoln (nothing eventful on the way there) and have left, headed to Des Moines. It's getting to be about lunch o'clock so we look for somewhere to stop. Trouble is, between Lincoln and Des Moines, there's not much. Sure, we could stop and take a few bites out of some cattle but I prefer my steak a little more cooked than that. Alas, an exit is fast approaching and there is apparently a Dairy Queen and a Godfather's pizza. Bingo. My foreshadowing comment: "Huh...didn't think Godfather's existed anymore."

We pull off in Shelby, Nebraska, hoping for some pizza. The DQ is instantly in our sights, sitting at the top of the exit. Huh...the Godfather's must be further in town. So we drive down the road a little way. Well, it turns out "town" consists of two cemeteries and about 20 store fronts in "downtown" Shelby, only three of which are real stores. I expected a tumbleweed to roll through at any time and then attack us savagely, looking for our tasty brains. We quickly turn around and eat at DQ--a small, supposedly family-owned DQ. Damn you, foreshadowing comment!

The Machine Shed

Our business in Des Moines was smooth and uneventful. It was our dinner at The Machine Shed that was more of note. The Machine Shed is a restaurant that follows the same concept as a Cracker Barrel, only it is about a nonillion times better. There is a little shop attached that sells all sorts of stuff you don't need to buy (more on that later) and then you sit down and eat so much they have to roll you out of the place. You get bread and bottomless cole slaw and cottage cheese--a concept I found quite unique. Too bad I am not much of a fan of either. Then, no matter what you order, you get a metric barking buttload of it. We had that late lunch at the DQ hotspot so I was only half hungry, but I still managed to cram much food into myself.

Random Facts of Baconosity:

So, what does one find in the store at the Machine Shed? Gentlemen, behold!

Bask in the glory of all that is GUMMY BACON! Let's observe a few important things here:

  1. "Gummi" is spelled incorrectly. Typical.
  2. It is strawberry flavored (you can't tell from the glare).
  3. Take note of the all-important "Bacon viewing window"'s important for, uh, some reason, I'm sure.
  4. The back panel provides important safe handling instructions such as, "keep in cool dry place away from sunlight" and "do not attempt to fry or microwave"! I can only assume that sunlight causes gummy bacon to reach sentient levels a la Skynet from the Terminator movies.
  5. The sock real importance except that sock monkeys are cool. This one's about 3 1/2 inches tall.

Racked up like a deuce, another roller in the night

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