Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Green Grass and High Difficulty

Oy. I only have one more song to go on "Expert" level guitar difficulty in Rock Band before I'm finished with all the standard song. Unfortunately, said ballad is "Green Grass and High Tides" which, if you're unaware, is a 15-minute sonata of futility sandwiched between two fun buns. See, the song doesn't really get difficult until it's 80% done. While that 80% is fun enough, it really demands too much time spent just to fail. And when I do fail it is because the area is simply the same three notes played over and over very fast. A category at which I am notoriously deficient. It almost made me rip my hair out trying to finish Freebird on "Expert" level difficulty in Guitar Hero II. But I eventually persevered. I conquered...never to play that accursed song again. Not sure if I care enough to do the same this go around.

Last night I became the president of our Homeowners' Association. What does this mean? It means I now rule with an iron fist, forcing my loyal (and those scurvy disloyal ones) to do my bidding. I get kickbacks, bribes, and establish foreign policy with other neighborhoods, trading for their goods and screwing them over with our shoddy products. I defend our borders from pirates and the occasional stray dog. I...er...uh, basically I sign off on things, speak at meetings and picnics, and keep doing what I've been doing as VP for the past year. We're pretty laid back so it's not like I need to be bossy. But if you get in my way, I will totally send Dick Cheney over to shoot you in the face. Glock glock!

So Friday is the first day of Summer! As I kid, Summer was always the end-all be-all of seasons. No school and long days. Heat and humidity meant nothing. Before I had Summer jobs it was laid-back and lazy. After I had Summer jobs it meant no fun and work...but money! So there was always something good about it.

You know what? Screw that. I look forward to Summer for a different reason now. You see, the sooner Summer gets started, the sooner it will be over. Summer is okay, I guess, but has quickly become my least favorite season. It's hot, it's humid, and gas prices go up astronomically. Sure, there are days at the pool with the Spuds and other fun activities. There is Independence Day, so that's something. But Summer holds the absolute worst month of the year--August. August is like a nasty, festering pimple on the butt of the year. It's even hotter and more humid and there are no holidays, no fun things...just stagnant air and wilted plants.

So, you see, once August is over I look forward to the absolute best time of the year--Autumn! Actually, I start looking forward to Autumn right after the last day of Autumn. :) But the first day of Summer signals that there are only about three months left until the best season in all the land. Football talk starts up around this time which gets me through until the sport actually commences. So you can have your lousy Summer and all of its picnics and pool parties. Humbug, I say! I'll take my Autumn with all of its football, Halloween, and Thanksgiving (and even almost Christmas which falls just a couple of days after Autumn is over).

Sometimes you make me want to buld a model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles.


Matt Dimmic said...

Why, it seems like just yesterday that you were bemoaning the state of your homeowner's association, and now you're the president! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. :)

Clefton Twain said...

Oh, I still don't trust the HOA. At the moment, however, I think it's in decent hands.

MissNibbles said...

HEY now! My, sister, brother, son are all born in August!

*rolls her eyes dramatically* August is like party city........