Monday, February 2, 2009

NBC's "All Day Show"

I guess it's inevitable. It would be a challenge for anyone to fill four hours of a morning news program. Nobody can ramble on that long and have anything relevant to say. Despite this impossibility, NBC tries every day to forcefeed The Today Show down the throats of America. I happen to have today off and I flipped on the TV whilest organizing the dishes and what hard-hitting news are they covering this lovely morning/almost afternoon?

The two morning bimbos--Kathie Lee Gifford and the other chick--are showing America how to upload or print out photos from Facebook. Wow. So the show's A-list gets to go through all the breaking news. The B-list gets to rehash that news, and the C-list gets to show you how to pick your nose while licking your toes and playing Musicbox Dancer on the piano. Truly astounding. Also, Kathie Lee is a world-class tool and the other chick constantly looks like she's mentally screaming "Get me the F out of here!"

The Superbowl was phenomenal--a world class entertainment mecca. I was rooting for the Cardinals but wasn't really invested in either team. The game was very enjoyable, the commercials were fun...total win. I'm not a huge fan of Bruce Springsteen but he did a good job.

SciFi Pictures Original: Wyvern (pronounced, in this case, "Why Vern". Indeed we should all ask ourselves this question.)
"In a world (Alaska) where polar bears roam (though you won't see any because that would cost money) there are flying lizard monsters who will pluck you out of your really small town of archetypical characters and eat you..." That wasn't the real tagline, but it should have been.

SciFi's latest offering for "The Most Dangerous Night on Television" was indeed bad, as usual. But this historic piece of cinema was also enjoyable, if only because it included just about every pseudo-horror movie cliche available. The CGI was bad, the acting was pretty bad, and it didn't include any actor of note (they touted "Northern Exposure's Barry Corbin" as the A-list actor). The "cute chick love interest" wasn't even that cute.

So the formula for this one is: Cute wandering man (in this case, a truck driver) with a questionable past happens upon a very small town about to hold its yearly festival (the Solstice Festival). Blah blah, monster (wyvern) attacks. Usually the dude in charge is an ass and refuses to call off the festival but, in this case, it eventually is called off. Eventually a select group of the town (the main characters) happen upon the nest of the wyvern and realize...it laid eggs!! Holy crap!! What a twist!! They devise a plan to kill it which, of course, fails, so the main dude (truck driver) takes charge, goes rogue, and saves the day. Oh, there's also the poor dude who gets out of his car, in the middle of the woods, to take a leak against a tree. You can guess what happens to him.

The best thing about this movie--the wyvern seems to have picked off the entire town by the end of the movie--seriously, you only see the choice few main characters at the end. There were two crackpot "old coots" so, obviously, one had to die. All law enforcement (read: two people) definitely had to bite it. Neither chick (the semi-hot radio chick nor the diner-owning love interest) were wyvern food. At the end of the movie, the truck driver decides to remain in the town and live there...and why wouldn't he? He basically owns the town now!!

This was, quite unfortunately, the last thing Don S. Davis did. Rest in peace, General George Hammond.

Alright, let's get to the (Joe Bob's) Drive-in Totals:

Moose Heads Dropped in a Wading Pool: 1
Eccentric (crazy) Old Dudes: 2
Homemade Coat Crafted From Mystery Pelts: 1
People With Guns In Alaska: Um, Everyone
Effectiveness of Those Guns: Surprisingly Ineffective (nothing new there)
Oversized Wyvern Omelets: 3
Disarmings: 1
Blood Waves: 1
Lunch-Losing Sheriffs: 1
Generator-fu
Crazy Woman-fu
18-Wheeler-fu

3 Stars

Code monkey think maybe manager wanna write goddamn login page himself

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