Saturday, February 7, 2009

A Weekend of Fun...and Chicken

My lovely wife is enjoying some much needed (and much deserved) alone time which leaves Daddy with my two daughters, flying a solo weekend for the first time ever. I have to admit I was a bit nervous at work on Friday, wondering exactly what would happen. Would they lay traps? Would I end up in a giant cookpot, the natives (and pets) dancing around me? Many scenarios ran through my internal movie projector. Then it broke down. I tried to fix it but to no avail. I had to issue refunds. It was a bad situation.

Not having a cookpot big enough for myself, I decided to formulate something that resembled a plan--meals, activities etc. Luckily, everything has gone smoothly and nobody has been eaten or sacrificed to the strange, pony-shaped idol that smells oddly like strawberries. Tonight I cooked fried chicken for the first time. Except for needing more seasoning in the coating mixture, it turned out very well. For this I procured an electric skillet and, I must say, it was a good purchase thus far. I think I'll bring it to bed with me tonight. The cats might be jealous but they'll cope...or poop in my shoes...which, now that I think about it, is probably their way of coping.

But today was very fun. The girls and I spent this gorgeous day at the park. 70 degrees in February? Yeah, nice. Then we ran a couple of errands at the mall. Said mall was quite busy. I guess everyone equates nice weather with shopping indoors. Anyhoo, we shared a cookie dough Blizzard and rode the carousel in between errands. I got yelled at by the otherwise-very nice elderly gentleman who pushes the "go" button for the ride.

And now I must go so that I can view SciFi's offering for tonight. The cast seems to consist of 95% females, so it can't be all bad, right? Can it? SERIOUSLY??

Alright, so here it is...

Journey to the Center of the Earth (SciFi Style)
We've seen it all before: Something as routine as teleportation goes horribly awry and either turns you into into beef stew or sends you off course into chaos and hideous death. But it was bound to happen. These are the type of people who can't take two steps without some massive disaster sending everything into discord. These are the kind of people you do not hang out with!! They look like you and me, but they have a nasty habit of having safes and pianos fall on them, presumably from outer space. Avoid these people!!

By the way, this movie stars zero names that anyone would recognize. That being said, it was better than a lot of SciFi's fare.

So a team of five chicks is getting ready to beam into Stuttgart for reasons I still do not understand. It's routine, but they're carrying weapons. So I'm assuming they are not on a scientific mission. No, wait, there's the standard glasses-clad, "nerdy but hot in a coy kind of way" scientist chick who doesn't fit in. There is also the pair of chicks who don't like each other, but you never know why (and it's true, you never find out). Okay, I'm game. Let's see what happens.

OH NOES!!! The routine beaming process has gone sour!! Nobody has any idea where the ladies have gone!! As the viewer, I have a really good guess, simply judging from the title. But what will happen to the Earth's supply of females if they keep beaming into the... center of the Earth (apply an echo effect to that)?

Basically, time is split between them being chased by dinosaurs, and them being chased by giant spiders. Oh, wait, there's a lot of crying and bitching, too...and then there's crying and bitching while being chased by dinosaurs and spiders. A couple of them get picked off, too. This is due to the #1 rule of SciFi Pictures originals: Bullets will never harm the big bad. Or, at the very least, they will only harm the big bad when it is convenient. Occasionally, bullets will harm the big bad universally, but the primitive screwhead firing the gun is such a lousy shot that they couldn't hit a target if their life depended on it (which it does).

Oh, and did I mention that there is another chick and her ex-lover trying to launch a rescue? Didn't see that coming, did you? Yeah, they're in some experimental drilling device known as the DD. I was waiting for them to just once call it the "Double D" but noooooo, that wasn't going to happen. Anyway, they encounter problem after problem that Mr. Scott from Star Trek would have had no problem fixing. Their biggest problem? What happens if we hit a giant air pocket where there's nothing to drill? My guess is...YOU FALL! And they found an air pocket...and they fell. I take that to be poor drill design...or just immense idiocy.

But, finally, everyone is saved and they beam back to the base, a few people lighter. Oh, did I forget to mention that someone accidentally brought a few baby spiders back?

(JoeBob's) Drive-In Totals:
Hot Military Chicks: All of them
Dinosaurs: 1
Giant Spiders: All of them
Dinosaur Meals: 2
Exploding Spider Chicks: 1
Selfish Bureaucrats: 1
Giant Lavaworm-Fu

Four stars.

Mandlebrot's in Heaven, at least he will be when he's dead

1 comment:

A Day That Is Dessert said...

Good for you for giving your wife some time!! And making the weekend fun for your daughters. Fun post!