Monday, March 23, 2009

For Every Friday, There is an Equal and Opposite Monday

I find myself hoping for rain. I need more of it so that all the crap I've thrown into the garden will pack down and rot. I figure I have about four more weeks, at the most, until I have to plant all of the goodness. This is a task which daunts me somewhat. Sure, I got everything to grow. Now I have to thin out the "crops" (as I like to call them even though I'm no farmer) and plant them in bigger pots. But I feel this is wasteful. I want to plant ALL my veggie-children! I have already resolved that there are a few veggies I will try to plant all of. The artichokes and onions are just two of these lucky contestants. Not really sure how I'll do this without destroying the root systems when I pluck them out to replant them. It will have to be done with care.

Overall, I am very psyched about the garden. I am not, however, psyched about pulling weeds etc. So I hope the hay and leaves I've used as mulch will choke out the weeds and grass. Otherwise, it could be a very long summer. And I don't much like summer to begin with. Well, I don't really have anything particular against summer...except for the yardwork...and the heat...then there's the humidity...okay, so I guess I don't like summer. Wait, Independence Day is nice.

I don't follow xkcd very religiously. But every so often there is a comic which either drives me to psychotic fits of laughter or just rings very true. I submit to you, this one: K and I were just discussing this very fact (though we were talking more about forgetting your class schedule). It's funny how one can still have nightmares about this after years have passed.

SciFi Saturday Movie: "I Am Omega"

Okay, so it's either a sad commentary on my memory or the movie when I can't actually remember what SciFi movie we watched. I had to think hard for a good minute or so until my brain finally kicked in. I kept thinking it was "Spring Break Shark Attack" but that was Sunday's movie...and it sucked...bad. So I'm not even considering it for a review.

So the Saturday movie was I am Omega. First of all, I have to state that I definitely liked this movie better when it was called I am Legend. Of course, that movie about as enjoyable for me as giving a cat an enema in the middle of a tornado. So I'll go one step further and say that both these movies were better when they were called The Omega Man. That's not to say they are exact replicas of each other, so we'll just say they are triplets separated at birth, with the first one being a creative, decent person, and the other two being slack-jawed buffoons trying to find their asses with both hands but failing miserably.

So I am Omega follows the solitary life of a poor slob named Richard. We only get a hint of what happened but it seems the military went all nutjob and created some sort of bio weapon...AGAIN. This mutagen apparently turns people into psychotic, deformed killers. Also, it apparently makes them really really stupid--like "I'm going to argue with Jon Stewart because he made fun of me" stupid. As a side note: don't ever get into a war on TV with Jon Stewart. You will lose, I assure you.

So Richard's wife and child were killed by one of these "zombies", blah blah. The first 45 minutes of this movie has next to NO dialogue and is boring as watching I found myself wanting to gouge out my eyes and run around the room screaming nonsensical gibberish. But that's an urge I constantly have to fight; this movie just exacerbated it. But I digress. Richard is an antisocial dude holed up in a heavily-fortified house. He is apparently a martial arts badass and owns some guns. Every once in a while, a few zombies skulk around his house and he dispatches them. Then he finds out there is a chick in town who needs help. We never actually get confirmation if he thinks he is the last man alive but the movie doesn't seem to care.

Anyway, a couple of sleazy dudes show up in a van and say they know all about him (no idea how) and convince him (by blowing up his house) to help them rescue the girl who apparently is immune to infection. Incompetency and inconsistencies ensue, the dudes turn out to be bad guys, there are a couple of fights, Richard gets the girl, and they head to a safe place in the mountains where other survivors are holed up. The end.

You should thank me. Now you don't have to see this movie. What? You think it could be more interesting than the way I presented it? You're a fool. Oh, wait. Did I mention that Richard somehow manages to plant enough explosives to blow up an entire city?? Are you with me yet?

So I guess I should get to the Drive-in Totals:
Exploding heads: Lots
Bad manners
The same two zombies over and over again
Times I wanted to kill myself: 25
Ah, screw it. It wasn't interesting enough to make me remember anything. It was "lobotomy-bad"

2 stars.

Why does it happen? Because it happens.

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