Monday, April 13, 2009

Zombie Bunnies Ate Thor!!

Let's start the week off right with perhaps the most ridiculous headline, news story, and person I've ever seen:

Woody Harrelson Thought Paparazzi Was a Zombie!!

I guess he broke the guy's camera and assaulted him, then claimed he thought he was a zombie. You have to read the article to get the full effect of just how stupid Woody Harrelson actually is. It's not the common "wow, that guy is stupid" stupid. Nay. It is more of the "This guy is so outlandishly stupid that I am surprised he even remembers to breathe" stupid. There is a difference, and it is not subtle. But maybe I am biased. I've never liked the guy.

Also, speaking of zombies, I found this really cute and funny. Yes, I am allowed to find things to be "cute". It doesn't make me less of a man...seriously...stop laughing or I'll show you "cute". :S No, I'm not endorsing the game itself--I know nothing about it. I just find it funny.

There's a Zombie On Your Lawn

Seriously, watch it. It's great. And I bet you'll sing that song all day long.

So the movie review this week really won't be much of a review at all. The flick was not very entertaining, but I found enough material within it to make fun of it. So, without further ado, I present to you:

Scifi Pictures Presents: Thor: Hammer of the Gods (bwahahaha!)

This little gem stars the guy who played Brad Taylor on TV's "Home Improvement". I think he was the youngest one...or maybe the middle one...or the oldest one. Crap, I don't know. Did anyone pay attention to any of the boys? I really only watched that show for the outtakes at the end. Honest. Okay, I think he was the oldest boy. But to Hell with all that.

So Thor is an average, very non-manly, chubby, out of shape dude who is questing for Mjolnir, the mighty hammer of tasty goodness. Traveling with him are a couple of dudes and a couple of chicks. It's difficult to tell which is which since they're all clad in furs and wear helmets. Some fights happen, some people die, some bad CGI is thrown in for good measure, the hammer is procured and the TV channel gets switched. But I'm sure it ends well.

I liken this movie to what would happen if a bunch of hardcore D&D players got together and said "dude, let's make a movie!" Seriously, the dialogue was trying to sound all mystical and cool but came off about the same as any D&D session I've been in--with less Monty Python jokes...okay, none. What's funnier is that each character had a totally different accent! And none of them were remotely Norse!! They sounded like 3rd-rate British accents. It was hilarious.

The fight scenes were pretty lame and predictable. At one point, a fight developed between a bad chick and two good chicks (many heavy fur cloaks were removed, ooh la la!). I knew exactly what would happen. The good chicks would each attack the bad chick one at a time and one of the good chicks would die. Then the remaining good chick would go all apeshit on the bad chick, the bad chick would beg for mercy, and the good chick would off her. Bam...I was 100% correct, and I'm no genius.

No Drive-in Totals...there just wasn't enough of anything to count.

2 stars.

There's a zombie on your lawn

1 comment:

KPiep said...

Uh. Yeah. Been singing that dratted song since I watched the video this AM. Cuss words to follow....