Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Travelblog IV, The Musical!

There are a few things I have discovered about Louisville, Kentucky. After tooling around the city for two days, these things have become rather apparent...sort of like an elephant sitting on you...and farting...then insulting your mom. Yeah, that obvious.

First of all, Louisville apparently has no rock radio stations. None. If one exists, then it is purposely trying to hide from me, like virginity hides from Paris Hilton. I've been up and down the "radio dial" and have found nothing. I have never been more thankful for my iPod.

Next up--stoplights. Stoplights in Louisville are ungodly long. Not only that, but I seem to hit every one of them wrong and end up waiting five minutes for the light to turn (yes, I timed it). FIVE MINUTES!!! Inevitably, I get to the light just as it turns red. This has given me plenty of time to work on the first point--finding Paris Hilton's a good radio station. It still eludes me.

Third, Microsoft apparently has never ever actually been to Louisville Kentucky...because they have no idea where to direct me. Maybe they coded information from Louisville Egypt or Louisville Luxembourg and just fudged it into Louisville Kentucky. Microsoft is responsible for more burnt gas and frustration from getting me lost than any other factors. Luckily, I am starting to figure out when to call bullshit on Streets & Trips. I've also taken to calling the person at my next stop when I get close and confirming my location with them. Luckiily, I have use Mapquest for directions back home. I'd hate to end up in Effingham.

Also, it apparently rains all the freaking time in Louisville. Either that or I am the cause. If the latter is true, I could make a lot of money.

Every four-way intersection here in Louisville is identical. They all consist of: a Walgreens, a Starbucks, a PNC Bank, and a gas station. It makes it really difficult for me to describe my whereabouts to the person who's next on my list. I say "I'm across from Walgreens" and they say "Which one?" Also, I've not eaten at one local place. Either I can't find said establishment or they are closed. Buggers.

That's really all I have to say about any of that.

You make my insides outside

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