Monday, July 6, 2009

The HOA, Redux

I am pleased to announce that I have officially resigned from the Board of Directors for my Homeowners Association. Doing so is akin to cutting off a vicious parasite from your own body--one that you somehow thought may be beneficial at first but, as it turns out, it exists solely to make your life miserable. But I have cast off that parasite now and feel a weight lifted from my shoulders--a weight that, for a while, I didn't even know I was carrying. But that could explain the neck and shoulder pain, the nervous twitch, the inexplicable diseases and possibly the swine flu...but I'm not ready to take the blame for that one just yet.

It became apparent that the time to exit was quickly approaching. I spoke of this once before. It has since been resolved but not necessarily in the best way possible. See, once upon a time, this lady built a rail in her front yard along with a sidewalk. None of these was actually approved by the HOA board (including me)--in fact, nobody knew about them until they were built.

Needless to say, none of this went down well with many neighbors. Complaints were filed and followed up on, lawyers were consulted, there was crying and yelling on doorsteps, and even a few flaming bags of poop were involved (okay, that last one is a fabrication, but flaming bags of poop are really funny, trust me). In the end, this lady got to keep her rail and her sidewalk and the HOA spend a little over $2,000 on a lawyer to investigate the whole complaint which, of course, this lady mentioned as being a waste of money etc.

Anyway, the last meeting/picnic for the neighborhood was quite the 3-ring circus, with accusations flying and arguments abound. I, as president, sat back and watched the sparks fly for a while until I felt everyone had let fly their opinion, then cut it short and moved on. The point being, there was only one person at that meeting on this lady's side (besides her...oh, and her three out of, um, 30 or so?)

The irony is that this lady, through proxy votes, a sob story, and possibly bribes or threats (which I may have just made up, and probably did) won a spot on the Board of Directors. I know that nobody at the meeting voted for her besides herself, her husband, and the other lady in favor of her...I know this for a fact because I saw the vote tallies. So, yeah, she's now on the board so we'll see just how things are handled.

One thing's for sure--I'm tempted to start filing complaints directly to her just to give her a taste of what it's like. Of course, this would screw over a lot of people, so I'm not really willing to do that. But hopefully she'll have as bad a time on the Board as I did. The good news is that the other two people on the board are vehemently against her, so I doubt, when it comes down to a vote, she'll win any headway.

There was no Scifi movie this weekend, due to their July 4th Twilight Zone marathon (those two things naturally go great together, right?). I believe there is one next week, however, so I'm primed for some awfulness!

But I ain't got wings

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