Sunday, January 3, 2010

Inundation Nation

Dear...um...someone,

There is too much stuff around. Please eliminate three.

Let me put it this way. Lately, I've come to realize that there is just too much stuff out there to fit into a day, a week, or even a year. I get asked all the time "hey, did you see this?" or "check out this YouTube video!" or even "Did you see the latest episode of...?"

My answer, almost always, is "No, because I suck." But, honestly, I just either don't have the attention span or there are about a billion other things that I'd rather be doing. Sure, I watch some TV and visit YouTube etc., but I am fullyl aware that I don't have the time to do and see everything. The Internet has opened up so much...stuff that it eclipses all else. I have a stack of books I'd like to read, at least five videogames I'd like to play, and dozens of movies I'd like to watch. I don't focus much on TV unless it's a bad movie on Syfy or maybe "Lost". I get lots of long, verbose jokes through e-mail and forwarded video clips that I almost always delete. And, of course, there is family, which takes precedence over all else.

So, yeah. I've never seen more than five seconds total of "24", I don't have time to watch "The Guild" online, nor have I read the last two Robert Jordan books (the previous four kinda turned me off anyway). I'm still playing Fallout 3 and have a lot of episodes of "The Simpsons" to catch up on.

But, for some reason, I always have time for...

Syfy Saturday: Midnight Meat Train

With a name like "Midnight Meat Train", you'd probably expect very little plot and lots of "bow chicca bow bow", right? Well, remember, this is on Syfy. So, if anything, it would be "bow chicca bow bow" interrupted by an alien, a monster, or a supernatural killer.

Well, Midnight Meat Train features two of the four. See, there is this butcher guy with a Howie Long haircut who kills people on a train. Leon, a hapless photographer, follows him and finds out what's been going on. Then he gets his friend and girlfriend involved and gets everyone into a blood-spewing good time!

The movie itself is a little slow to get started. Then it gets going and, well, is still a little slow. Then some stuff is figured out and it's kinda cool, but then it ends in a very predictable, crappy fashion. And that's all I'm going to say. It was enjoyable, but the end disappointed me. Also, the characters were all dumb. Not your average, garden variety dumb, but more like the "how is it I am actually remembering to breathe?" dumb. The good news is, there aren't very many characters to begin with.

Here are you Drive-In Totals:
Gallons of blood spilled: About 120
Brains freed from prison: 2
Badass meat tenderizers: 1
Brooke Shields: 1 (yes, she's in this movie)
Bad cases of acne/herpes: 1
Eyeball popping
Decapitating
Meat tenderizer-fu
Skull-fu

3 1/2 stars

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