Sunday, April 11, 2010

Roses are red...

Violets are blue,
And sometimes, I like to drink out of the toilet.

Some things on my mind:

  1. People who blatantly disregard traffic laws and screw over everyone around them should have a special place in Hell reserved for them.
  2. When the go-ahead is given for people to register for events on Gencon's website, the world trembles and is brought to its knees.
  3. Some of the best exercise involves walking around the zoo with a 4-year-old on your shoulders.
  4. You can make a buttload of cash if you charge $5 for parking when most people are parking for only 15 minutes or so.
  5. I really loathe Sundays. Especially when there is no football.

Also...Syfy Pictures Presents: Mega Piranha

When a movie stars one celebrity you might have heard of, and that celebrity is Tiffany, you should probably listen to your gut instinct and not watch it. I, on the other hand, don't pay attention very well, and I watched it. Bad for me, good for you (if you like to read the drivel I post).

So...people are monkeying around with DNA...again. This time, some bimbo (Tiffany) has created a type of piranha that is more vicious and... is growing into, you guessed it, mega piranha! They eat people, they eat boats, they eat...well, just about everything. The leap out of the water and imbed themselves into buildings too! It's your basic piranha mayhem at its best which, on the normal scale of things, equals about the worst movie you've ever seen.

So you can probabl follow along here...Tiffany and some dude are now trying to stop the piranha. But the evil Venezualan military is hampering their efforts. So the first solution? Shoot them! Obviously everything can be answered with bullets right? Wrong. The piranha apparently have armor now! Imagine piranha swimming around with little flack jackets and helmets and, well, that would be infinitely more entertaining than what was actually happening, which was really nothing.

The next solution? BLOW THEM UP! That's the Syfy way! Of course, all of these plans fail miserably and lots of people get munched along the way. Oh, did I mention that the piranha are a) reproducing asexually and b) growing second sets of organs? I was waiting for the moment that they'd grow laser beams on their heads.

All in all a rather crappy movie. It did produce a few laughs, but most of those were at the expense of the really really, really bad CGI that was probably created by the director's 8-year-old son.

Here are your Drive-In Totals:

  • Heads munched: at least 2
  • Piranha imbedded in objects: 3
  • Destroyed battleships: 1
  • Flying fish: Lots
  • Washed-up pseudo pop stars: 1
  • Frenzying
  • Teeth-fu

1 star

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