Thursday, June 17, 2010

You're Doing it Wrong

The other day, I ran into one of the ladies who runs teh company that manages our neighborhood association. After stepping down from being president of the association (read: fleeing a sinking ship), I've really not paid attention to neighborhood affairs and, honestly, actively avoided such nonsense. That whole soap opera is something I definitely don't need.

Anyhoo, we talked briefly, then I asked her "So, is our little neighborhood causing you guys any grief?" Her response was "Yes...well, just one individual in particular."

Nothing more needed to be said. Some of you (well, all one of you who read this) might remember a certain person in our neighborhood who built a certain ugly structure in their yard without getting permission from the homeowners' association, got lots of complaints, bit heads off of kittens and insulted meercats...well, some of that actually happened. Anyway, yeah, I'm very much guessing it's this individual causing problems. The point is...I couldn't be happier that I got the hell out of there.

Is it sad that I'm wondering whether I could get my money's worth out of an "all-you-can eat Wings for $10.99" deal? Actually, what would be sad is if I can get my money's worth. But it's almost like a challenge--like this deal is sitting there, eyeballing me...daring me to take it. Damn you, temptation!

Alright, down to business. There's a new ultimate disaster, and it is...

Syfy Pictures Original: Stonehenge Apocalypse!

Apparently Syfy is done with giant sharks, ghosts, and volcanoes that threaten the world. Nay...those are all ordinary disasters. What could be more life threatening and world-ending than...A BUNCH OF OLD STONES STUCK IN THE GROUND!!!?? Run like hell, people!!

In all seriosity, I was really hoping the stones would come together to form a giant stone robot that rampaged across the countryside but, alas, it turns out that Stonehenge has a different agenda. See, it's old...very old, right? But apparently it's plugged into the power grid via a long-ass extension cord, because it keeps sending out shockwaves and electricity and stuff. What's worse is, it's signalling for its friends, the pyramids (Egyptian and Aztec) to vomit forth gouts of lava, fire, rocks, and lots of other types of burning badness.

And how do you fight this? How to you battle the wonders of the world? Yep, you guessed it. According to the US Armed Forces, you drop a nuke on it's damned head! Wait...it doesn't have a head! Well, which stone is the biggest? Well I don't know! Go get a tape measure and...um, anyway, yeah. The Army wants to drop a nuke on it. Does it work? What do you think? OF COURSE IT DOESN'T BLOODY WORK! Does it ever work? No. Apparently these doofuses have never seen a Syfy movie before.

The rest of the movie includes psychotic zealots, a crappy-looking artifact, and terraforming. Nope...no stone robots. :( <---Frowny face is frowny!

Oh, it stars nobody except for the leader chick from Stargate: Atlantis.

Here are your Drive-In Totals:
Love scenes: 0
Stone robots rampaging: 0 (I am disappoint)
Supernatural creatures: 0
Stone robots ram...dammit, still 0
Pissed-off ancient wonder of the world: 1
Stone-fu
Electricity-fu
Human-vaporizing
magma-spewing

2 1/2 stars

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