Saturday, February 19, 2011

Achoo!

You know what I don't see much of anymore? Hummers. Hmmm...I wonder why. Someone ate it on that deal.

I had a whole bunch of something I was going to say, but I've forgotten. So onto...

Syfy Saturday: Iron Invader

Every great once in a while, there comes along a gem--a diamond in the rough--a movie that makes you think there is hope for the Syfy network. Maybe they can make decent movies that don't deserve to be laughed at. Maybe...just maybe...

This movie is not that movie. In fact, this movie was hilarious. The heroes are hilarious, the town is hilarious. Heck, even the enemy is hilarious!

It would seem that life exists on other planets, and this life travels through space by hijacking a ride on Russian satellites. When one such satellite plummets to Earth, all hilarity lets loose and a small town becomes a hotbed of really bizarre alien activity.

It seems that the alien invaders resemble iron filings doused in green paint. Oh no!! The horror!! Run for your lives! Or, alternatively, you could just get a magnet and laugh as the poor aliens try to move! But I digress. So what do these aliens want? It would appear that they have a severe iron deficiency because they don't eat their veggies. So they "inhabit" metal and then suck the iron out of everyone's blood. Why can't they just suck the iron out of the metal they inhabit? no idea. They just can't. Stop making fun of them; they are very sensitive aliens.

The local junkyard guy, a.k.a. "the crazy old coot" is building a golem statue out of spare car parts for the town festival. How convenient! The aliens manage to inhabit the statue and head out for a wild party. This creates chaos, sorrow, and lots of running and dying and...well, other stuff. Yes, everyone runs away, screaming...from possibly the slowest monster ever to walk, er, lumber, the planet. Seriously. This thing is like running from a zombie...with no legs. And, yet, it still kills people. So whose fault is that?

Blah blah blah, people hide out in the bar and blow up the monster. Yay! Victory! Oh, wait...all the individual parts are now attacking! Boo! Why didn't they listen to me!? I told them this would happen. But nooooo...they never listen.

Anyway, the moster reassembles itself, probably because Syfy had a little bit of CGI budget left over and had to spend it. But, as it turns out, the aliens are recovering alcoholics and, by pouring booze on them, they die! Huzzah! Alcohol saves humanity! Let this be a lesson to us all.

Here are your Drive-in Totals:

  • Stupid cops: 2
  • Smart, cute female pseudo-scientists/love interests: 1
  • Alien/human bar brawls: 1
  • Axe-fu
  • Engine-fu
  • Propane-fu
  • Foot-stabbing
  • Iron-sucking

2 1/2 stars

1 comment:

KPiep said...

Quite possibly your best review, ever!