Thursday, April 14, 2011

And it begins...

Today was the ceremonial "First mowing of the lawn". It is celebrated by an elaborate ceremony involving gasoline, a whirling blade, and a whole lot of whining and lamenting of the days when the grass was considerate enough to stop freaking growing so damned fast! I tried to use Runkeeper on my phone to determine just how far I walk when I cut the grass. According to it, I walk approximately .02 miles in an hour.


Also, I just ate a box of Peeps that I suspect were made of sandpaper. Yep, I ate them. They were still the only way that Peeps can be.

I realize that this might be old news to some but, well, this is just really funny...and sad (and I simply wanna post it). See, many of our congressmen suffer from "Idiotic Douchebag Symdrome" or, IDS. Its symptoms include extreme stupidity and the inability to have their heart beat without consciously thinking about it. (Warning: Extreme stupidity)

So, without further ado...Syfy Presents: Ferocious Planet

(First of all, it is important to note that "Ferocious Planet" was followed by "Savage Planet"...which, to my disappointment, was not followed by "Super Delicious Candy Planet".)

Joe Flanigan, from Stargate: Atlantis fame stars in this latest offering from Syfy. It's not a complicated piece of cinema--top secret device is invented, goes awry and then shit gets real. Oh also, John Rhys Davies is in this movie, but barely...mostly, his butt and legs are. In addition, I recommend you look at his page on IMDB (follow the link) and check out his's awesome.

So, yeah. Some poindexters working for the government develop a special machine that allows them to peer into other dimensions. But, rest assured, they can only see into them. Oh wait...something mysteriously goes wrong guessed it, transports them (and some of the building) into one of those dimensions. I've said it many times, but I'll reiterate...Much running, screaming, eating, and other general mayhem ensues. Really, much of this movie should have been set to some Weird Al song.

After they sit around, baffled, and some individuals die in hilarious ways, they formulate a plan. What's awesome is that they don't really know how they got to this dimension, but they know exactly how to get back, and that they have six hours to do so! Standing between them and success is miles of strange land inhabited by, essentially, tyrannosaurs with huge mandibles and multiple eyes...and acid and ammonia for blood. I bet they pooped little baby, laser shooting circular saws, too.

That's really pretty much it. These people stumble through the wilderness, getting picked off or wandering off on their own and failing at many things. I'm not entirely sure the movie was made in all seriosity, so I don't mind saying that I laughed a lot at it. Not that I'd really feel bad saying that about most Syfy movies. But I was always taught that you shouldn't laugh at train wrecks.

Anyway, here are your Drive-in Totals:

Monsters a' munchin': 4-10 (I lost count)
People a' screamin': 9 (I think...not everyone screamed)
Machines a' Misbehavin': 1
Senators a' Splodin': 1

3 stars

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