Monday, May 16, 2011

And Random Spewed Forth

I really haven't been too great a blogger lately. My attention has been pulled in many different directions and, thus, I've barely been keeping up with my duties of rambling out a bunch of mental garbage that next to no one actually cares much about. I mean, really, the world hangs on my every word, no? So here's some random crap.

The garden is planted--peppers and tomatoes. About half the garden is empty, largely due to my lazy intentions. Of course, just about two days after I put the plants in the dirt, it frosted overnight. Then it was cloudy and cold for a few days. I'm betting the plants, if they could, would make obscene gestures and yell at me. As it is, I'm guessing any food they might produce will cause me great diarrhea...or hives or something else suitably unpleasant--all out of spite. Because plants can do that, you know. Also, if video games have taught me anything, it's that plants protect us from zombies.

I finished Portal 2. Then I went back and played the original Portal...twice. Then back to Portal 2 again. Valve truly creates magic. So, in that vein, here are a few games I am really looking forward to:
  • Diablo 3. Yes...this one's rather obvious. Heck, I'm already looking forward to Diablo 4, and there's no guarantee there will be one.
  • Duke Nukem Forever. Seriously...about a billion years in the making. Between when this game was started and present day: we've had three different presidents (two of them served two terms), I've gone through three jobs, the game Daikatana was released and, five seconds later, failed miserably, I've been through four PCs, and whole civilizations have risen and crumbled. (That's all estimation, by the way, and may or may not be accurate). The point is...this game has taken way too long and could be crappy. But I'm looking forward to the world's best pissing simulator, and to throwing poop at enemies. Yes. While many things have changed in that time, my childish behavior has not.
  • Tribes 3. All I can say is "hell yeah, it's about time. Where ya been all these years?"
  • Gears of War 3. Bring it. Let's find out what happens.
  • Mechwarrior V. The first game I bought for my first real gaming rig was Mechwarrior IV. That was at least three computers ago (yes, I measure both time and expense in "PC" units).

Yeah, my gaming plate is going to be full. Honestly, though, I would probably trade it all...well, most of it for a copy of Portal 3...right now....you monster.

I owe you a movie review. Of that I'm well aware. This past weekend, I was out of town. So let's travel back in time...to the weekend before. I had seen "Thor" in the movie theater that Thursday. I enjoyed it. Wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, and I certainly wish I hadn't had to pay for 3D, but it was a fun movie. Contrast that with Syfy's offering that weekend--"Allmighty Thor", and it was like night and day--where "day" is a pretty tasty steak and "night" is an old boot...filled with pee...asparagus pee.

Honestly, I can't really even begin to regale you with the treasure that is "Allmighty Thor"...mostly because I spent a good few days trying to block it from my mind. I went to my happy place. But, try as I might, I could not escape. Really, watching this movie was like being poked by evil clowns wielding hot skewers, and being forced to listen to that "Friday" song over and over while peeing on an electric fence...and, yes, it's asparagus pee.

Basically, Thor is an idiot young punk who loses his hammer and has to find it again. But he's such a dimwit that he knows nothing about how to get it back. Fast forward to the end when he forges his own. A battle ensues, blah blah...zzzzzzzz. Seriously, that's about how the movie went. I think I played Minecraft through most of it, and I still wanted to chew my own head off (yeah, just try it). Because this movie deserves ZERO stars, I'm pretty much stopping there. The most humorous bit is that Syfy rushed to release this craptacular theatrical masterpiece to coincide with "Thor" in theaters. Really, Syfy? Really?

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