Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Pumpkin-Flavored EVERYTHING!!!

Autumn is here! That's right. Pack it in, Summer. See you next year. Buhbye. The temperature is getting cooler, it's actually raining and people are putting their Halloween decorations out already. Ha! See? I'm not the first!!! Though, if I'd had my way, they would've been out in early September. I know, I'm scary that way.

So I've been celebrating the turning of the seasons by imbibing everything pumpkin-flavored that I can get my hands on. Sadly, it hasn't been much...yet. I've had "pumpkin pucks", a pumpkin shake, pumpkin spice lattes and, very importantly, pumpkin ale! All have been quite awesome. AND I SHALL HAVE MORE!! Yes, yes I preeeciooouuussss. Go ahead, make fun. But when pumpkins attempt to conquer the world, who are you going to turn to? Who's going to eat them all?? Yeah, that's right. Me. Then you'll understand.

Does anyone else instantly switch stations when they hear a song that begins with "yeah...uh..."?

So I celebrated the first day of Autumn by running in the Roots N' Blues N' BBQ Half-Marathon. Now, unless you have been living under a rock for, oh, the past four months, you know that it's been really stinking hot this summer. Well, that's actually incorrect. It wasn't hot. It was "It's so hot I don't even want to think about moving" hot. It was too hot for even the pool! Seriously! How stupid is that?

What this all boils down to is that I didn't train very well for this half-marathon. The three weeks leading up to it have been stellar weather so I tried to make my training count. I ran hill sprints and longer distances. What I'm trying to say is, I didn't do as well as I wanted, but I did better than I thought I would.


Anyway, I had a great time, saw a coworker or two, and questioned my sanity...many times.

So here are some thoughts on the half-marathon:
  • If you have a dog that is so well-behaved that it holds the leash in its mouth and walks itself, you've got one helluva dog, there.
  • If you are smoking while running a half-marathon, you're doing it wrong. Also, get the hell out of my way, I'm passing a high rate of speed. Butthole.
  • When you say "free beer at the end of the race", MGD 64 does not count. Seriously. It tastes like water.
  • If you pay good money get up at 5:00 am and get dressed in the dark to run a half-marathon, you had better make DAMN sure you have the two correct running shoes on...not one running shoe and one every day shoe.
  • If you do accidentally put on two separate shoes, you should be glad that you built in the extra time to drive home, yelling obscenities, to put on the correct shoe.
  • When you get your post-race pumpkin spice latte of godliness, don't make the same mistake twice by leaving it on the roof of your car and driving away. I am a true believer in this one, folks. Listen to me, here, I know what I'm talking about.
I really wanted to review Syfy's "Camel Spiders" movie for you guys can I put it kindly? It really really, really. Like, "What the hell died in the trashcan and fermented?" stunk. We got bored and wandered into traffic, so I have nothing to give you.

Instead, please watch this video about two guys obsessed with "Call Me Maybe"! It's funny, I promise!!

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