Monday, September 29, 2008

Sugar-Covered Sugar!

I tried Jones Candy Corn Soda for the first time yesterday. Holy cow! Imagine, if you will, taking a cup of sugar and a cup of honey, then liquifying it. If you throw in an Alka Selzer tab you would probably have the same exact thing. Oh, then toss in a package of Peeps. That stuff will curl your toes.

It is important to note that the average can of soda has anywhere from 150-180 calories. This can, which is just a half can of soda, has 130. Basically, the entire day's sugar output of a small country is contained within this little can. It has a picture of a werewolf on the front. This is because you will feel like running wild and naked through the woods and howling at the moon after just one can of this stuff.

So was it good? wasn' t bad. But I wouldn't make a habit of drinking the stuff. It was fun to try but probably not something I would buy again. It's certainly not something I would drink to feel refreshed.

Maybe, come Thanksgiving, I'll try the Jones Turkey & Gravy Soda.

'Cause I really always knew that my little crime would be cold

Monday, September 22, 2008

Holy Artifacts, Batman!

So last night I "acquired" (read, was forced to take home) two boxes full of random junk from my father's house. I had no previous knowledge of what was in these boxes, only that it was, at one time, my crap. What miracles would these boxes hold? Hidden treasures? Gems of a finer time? My long lost Voltron? Nay...more like detritus cast overboard from a sinking ship to become flotsam floating in the current of the years.

Let me give you a little taste of what I found in these age-old cardboard storage cubes...and maybe a little insight into my childhood.

In one box was purely junk. There were manuals to all my Game Boy (yes, the original Game Boy) games. I've had the Game Boy with me all along. It still works. There were little rubber frisbee-like discs of various colors...each with the name of one of many popular, sugar-laden cereals on it. Also included was a small leaflet entitled "how to use a condom." Yep...nice, huh? I can only guess I got some of this crap in college when some association or another handed out small goodie boxes (and by "goodies", I mean tiny deoderant sticks, a granola bar, and a pamphlet on how to use a condom). This just shows how much of a packrat I can be.

I also found a small toy weapon that apparently attached to some transformer or other toy that apparently no longer exists. I bet that gun has been looking for its long-lost counterpart, only to have its hopes dashed years later. There was also a toy air-powered gun that shoots little soft rubber things (like, you squeeze it and the little rubber thing pops off, shoots across the room, and is never seen ever again). Then there were also a few various cables--mostly RCA cables for a stereo. I think I now have about 102 sets of those...100 of which are unused. Next time I need one, will I remember my stash? Nope.

So that was the small box. But the other box...yes, the other box was a treasure trove of even more confusion, nostalgia, fun, and a little nausea (thrown in for more fun). Inside this box was my old Godzilla toy! Yes, this bad boy stands at least two feet tall and has a lever you push down to make him breathe fire! (disclaimer: Toy does not actually breathe fire). But the thing that always perplexed me--you can push a button and his hand shoots off! This poses so many questions!

In addition to ol' Gojira, I found all my old Stompers--yes, little cars that ran on batteries and only moved forward. But they were apparently rough and tough and could climb over things. I also found my old Bigfoot toy (same thing as a Stomper but much larger and had different "gears"). Each of these toys still has a copious amount of crusted mud on its tires. Bonus! I also found a few toy dinosaurs and some toy horses. Now why I had toy horses, I really have no idea. But I did. I promptly gave them to the girls who have played with them all day. They have each named the horses different things. But my favorite name is "Prince Cinnamon Boots."

Also, several rubber snakes were found along with some paintballs and six CO2 cartridges. I bet you can guess what I am going to do next time I'm bored! (what I really want to do is try to pass off the paintballs as gumballs at work...bad me.)

Now, most of the stuff is easily explained--even the condom pamphlet (can't we get beyond Pamphlet Dome??). But the next item is definitely a mystery. It is a small, book-like apparatus with a record (yes, a record!!) inside it. In addition, it has a drawing of a little (very cartoony) child who has those colorform-type pieces of clothing. And the record is about potty training! I remember nothing about this item nor did I ever "play" with it. So WTF do I have it? Good question. Very good question. I'm guessing my mother schlepped it off on me so that she didn't have to have it in storage (Heaven forbid she actually *gasp* throws it away!! Wait, I don't throw anything away either...who am I to talk?) In fact, I think I crammed it back in the box, still not throwing it away. Go figure.

That's a really strange trip down memory lane, that's for sure. Just in case you were bored, and wondering why you actually read this whole entry, I now reward you with a funny picture a friend sent me today:

This song is just six words long

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Arrrrrr, Mateys!

Do not forget that tomorrow is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Please, won't you help out a poor, lonely pirate by, um, talking like one? Seriously, all proceeds go absolutely nowhere because none shall be collected. Just talk like one...just do it. Please? I'll be your best friend? Okay, I probably won't be. But you can say I am!

My "training" for this half-marathon thingy seems to be going well. This week I ran 7 miles in a little under an hour. That's good. That's, like, "I've been actually training" good--and I really haven't been. In fact, I haven't really run much in the past three weeks. No, I haven't been sitting on the couch watching football and stuffing my piehole with popcorn (nice visual, there). Okay, actually, I have been.

But it's good to know that I'm still in decent shape; shape enough to probably finish a half-marathon in pretty good time. But I think I'm going to push it a little more and try to guarantee that I can finish the whole shebang in under two hours. I'm fairly certain I can do this without even really much work. I attribute all of this certainty to the beautiful weather...and a steady diet of Hot Wings. This weekend I am going to try for the full 13.1 miles and see if I can do it. I don't think I'll try to run it too fast--just git 'r done.

Take the night and darken everything around me

Monday, September 15, 2008


Oy. It's not really a bad day, per se. But I feel like I'm about half a second removed from everyone else's reality today. It's one of those days where you definitely should not count on me to save the world...unless I'm allowed a couple of mulligans.

It's one of those days where I couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. Well, I might be able to do that but it would probably take me three or four tries.

In fact, I've tried writing this blog entry three times previous to this one. It is one of those days.

It's a short entry...for you...who didn't have to read it three or four times.

Anyway this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I've Gone and Done Did It (Diddly)

This morning I mailed in my registration for a half-marathon here in downtown. Normally this would fall under the "not a problem" category, except that it's less than a month away, and I haven't done any significant training for it.

I could most definitely not do this for a full marathon. It would be suicidal--as suicidal as coating myself in raw meat and running through Jurassic Park singing showtunes. But I am pretty sure I can take a half-marathon with less than a month of training. Now if it would just stop raining I might actually be able to start said training.

This, like the marathon, is a personal challenge. I know I can run for about eight miles without so much as stopping or drinking any liquids. So I'm guessing 13.1 miles won't really be that much of a problem; except maybe for the boredom. At least, I hope so.

I plan on getting out sometime next weekend (it's supposed to rain all of this weekend) and try running either the full distance or 2/3 of it to see how I do. What's the worst that can happen? That was a rhetorical question, thank you.

I'm doing it solo which is a little daunting. Last time I had K participating so it was more of a team effort. I guess we'll find out what happens in a little over three weeks.

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus

Monday, September 8, 2008

Random Dreamosity

Most of the time, my dreams come out of nowhere. I can have one thing on my mind constantly and never dream about it. If the mutant zombie apocalypse was in full swing and brains were being eaten, chances are I'd be dreaming of something totally unrelated. Maybe kittens or rainbows...or rainbow kittens!

So it was quite unexpected when my dream placed me in China. I had apparently won two Olympic gold medals--one in swimming (400m, maybe) and one in...get this...water polo!! Water polo? Really? Yep. And the horses even survived! (ba dum bum ching!)

The dream started after I had won the medals (which were suspiciously absent) and I was driving a car to the airport to go home. I was stopped by a police officer who arrested me because I was driving on the wrong side of the road. I may have been. It seems to me that in my dream I knew that I was. Instead of getting a ticket, I am told I need to return to China to face a trial.

I spend a brief amount of time at home and then travel back to China where...I find myself being led away by strangers! They dump me in a car and drive me to a church. They then lock the doors and explain to me that the Chinese government is really just trying to throw me in jail as punishment for shaming their athletes (their swimmer was apparently a huge star). They told me they would get me out of the country and...then I woke up, quite amused.

So I need to find Uwe Boll to make that into a movie. Uwe, if you're reading this, call me! You know you want to--it's box office gold, baby!

It's always the same it's just a shame, that's all

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Au Revoir August

August is indeed over. But this year I might be a little sad to see it go. Maybe not. Weatherwise, this was the greatest August ever. It wasn't the normal super-hot, super-humid August I'm used to. We got plenty of rain and it's been splendidly beautiful. So I can't really be irritated with the month as I usually am.

But it is over and now September has begun. This means the beginning of Autumn (yay!), football season, and...well, okay, just those two. With the onset of cold weather comes a strange seas0nal hobby of mine. I am a cold-weather knitter. I don't really have much on my plate right now. I have to get K's slippers done (from last year) and then I was thinking about a pair of socks for myself. I'm still formulating the plans on how to knit myself a Ferrari. Once I work all that out, I am so going to be driving down the road in style!

I'm having an immense amount of fun with Soul Calibur IV on the Xbox 360. The sheer amount of customization involved with creating a new fighter is mind-boggling and I swear some brain matter seeped out of my ear once from the possibilities. Sometimes I think I spend more time customizing than I do actually playing the game. I'm not about to let some faceless shmoe on the Internet beat up on me because I didn't do my homework. I'll let them beat up on me because I suck, but that's the only reason.

And, by the way, the spell check here in Blogger is fail. It highlighted the "nal" portion of "seasonal" and suggested alternatives. Bad spell check, no biscuit.

Wake me up when September ends