Saturday, October 24, 2009

Tidbits of Randomosity

If it's one thing I have learned from TV and movies (I start off a lot of sentences like that) it's this: if me and a lot of other people are in danger of complete annihilation...I'm going to get some.

That's right. Meteor heading for Earth? I'm getting lucky. Aliens destroying the planet? Hop into bed! I'm on a starship and it's headed for a collision course with the sun? C'mere, baby. I'm not being lewd or sexist or anything. I don't think I'm particularly attractive. But, seriously, this is how it works, right?

But here's what I don't. People in these situations see that their doom is imminent and they are drawn together as if by powerful magnets, super glue, or two dalmations that get their leashes tangled up in the park. They get that twinkle in their eyes, disrobe, and go at it. But, seriously...that's quite a lot of stress. THEY ARE ABOUT TO DIE! I'm pretty sure if I was in that same situation, there'd be no action going on. I'd be all like "wow, she's hot...and getting naked...and, oh yeah, there's a 500 megaton nuclear device pointed at me, ready to turn me into Malt-O-Meal." Any inclination to disrobe and go at it like a rabbit would most likely melt away like honesty in a newly-elected politician. So...yeah.

So we're just a week away from Halloween! G decided that today was "Vampire Walk Saturday". I wasn't really sure how vampires typically walk, so we're pretty much walking however we want. We've already produced some silly mayhem.

From the feel of it, Halloween is going to be cold...and possibly (quite possibly) rather wet. It tends to rain on Halloween more often than not, so I'm used to it. It's rather humorous, actually. The rain has contributed to what is quite possibly the most beautiful Autumn ever. The trees are showing wonderful colors, even if the leaves are dropping off rapidly. All I can say is that it sure beats 75-80 degrees, which has happened in the past. Nothing like going out for trick-or-treating and being too warm! Put on the sunscreen, kiddies!

My body can't decide if I'm getting sick or not. I keep getting the slightly uncomfortable aches in my joints, and I'm rather tired. I seem to be running a little hot, too (no real fever, but I feel warm). I guess I don't mind getting, wait, I hate getting sick. But I just ask my body to hold out until after my favorite holiday. Hmmm? Do me a solid, k?

I've been playing through a rather old videogame called F.E.A.R. I picked it up used for $20. Every October I like to play scary videogames in the dark. Is that weird? Don't judge me, jerkface! :D Anyway, the game is very well-done. It's not got a particularly engaging plot and there aren't really any scary monsters to fight, but the atmosphere, music, environment, and characters are all very creepy. And I swear that little girls with long hair who stand and stare at you (and appear out of nowhere randomly) might be the creepiest things in existence. I am convinced, if a country wanted to take over the world, all they'd have to do is send an army of creepy little girls into battle. I'd pee myself. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Day The Heater Died

It's necessary for life on Earth. We all use it. And, yet, it can singlehandedly destroy things quicker than almost anything else. Water really pisses me off sometimes.

Yesterday, I found a rather large (not deep) pool of water in the storage area. K's first query was if her books were okay, while my first query was whether we had a foundation problem. So while I scrambled to clean up the water (mopping it towards the drain), I also scrambled to find the source. It appeared to be coming from a corner but I could find no moisture on the wall, nor any cracks. I finally found a steady stream of water coming from the bottom of the water heater. This both relieved and troubled me.

I was grateful we didn't have foundation problems but not so jazzed about having to shut off the water heater and replace it--especially not knowing how long it would take to get a new one installed (nevermind the money that would have to be spent).

Luckily, one is being installed this evening. What surprised me, however, was the fact that delivery/install costs more than the stupid water heater itself. Seriously. That tells me that either a) installation is exhorbitant or b) I am a cheapass when it comes to buy water heaters. If I had to guess, I'd guess that both are true.

So we'll get the thing installed tonight, have hot water, and be happy. We'll have to figure out a little later how we're actually going to pay for the beast.


Monday, October 5, 2009

Guess I Should've Kept the Other One.

Had a wonderful weekend. Saturday was the annual "carnival" at G's school, so G and I were in attendance. It's a fundraiser and, basically, a shameless money sinkhole. But since I don't volunteer for anything at her school and we didn't even try to sell the coupon books to anyone, I don't feel bad basically donating money to the school.

Essentially, you pay for mostly everything. You buy a wristband for your child to play games, you buy concessions, and you buy lunch. I guess you don't have to buy any of these things but, then, it wouldn't be a whole lot of fun now would it? As it is, the games they have laid out are pretty simplistic and the prizes are stuff donated that someone didn't want or had way too many of (and most are promotional materials from local businesses anyway).

I make it sound like a ripoff and, well, it is. but G had fun and we got to spend time together--just us. The weather was very Autumn-like which was also nice. So we had a good time together, doing something other than playing "Dora The Explorer" Candyland. :D

I'm currently awaiting a replacement iPhone. Those of you familiar with this wonderful (yes, I still love it) little device know that it has only one real button. The button is simplistic, labeled with a square. You'd think that, having only one button, Apple would be able to actually build that button correctly. I mean, seriously, it's a button. Mankind has been making buttons on electronics since some guy made the first button on electronics! I don't know how long that is, but I'm sure it's been quite a while.

Anyway, I called it in to Apple and they are overnighting me another phone. I'm paying $30 for it, though. I am currently waiting to get a FedEx tracking number so that I can change the receiving address for it. I'd rather send it to work and assure that someone will be around to pick it up. I will then put it through rigorous button-testing for quality assurance.

Syfy Saturday Presents: Wrong Turn 2: Dead End
What do you get when you combine Henry Rollins, Kimberly Caldwell, some reality show contestants, and a bunch of inbred yokels? Blood, guts, gore, and death, of course! You also get a rather enjoyable attempt at a horror movie. I think I've become desensitized to movies like this. I generally end up laughing instead of being all freaked out.

So Henry Rollins is supposed to be the host of a reality show about surviving in the wilderness. The contestants are a mixed bag (aka the usual)--the slut, the city girl, the joking and perverted guy (a skater in this iteration), the token black guy, the vegan, and the lesbian army chick...oh yeah, and the former American Idol contestant (Kimberly Caldwell).

The movie itself was fun--not really because of the movie itself, but because K and I really had a tough time picking who would survive. Kimberly Caldwell got off'd in the first five minutes which was probably a bid to save her from the bad movie.

The inbred mutant people lay into almost everyone in many grandiose ways involving pointy, sharp objects. While I wasn't freaked out by any of this. What did freak me out, however, were the kissing scenes between the mutant family members. Blech! It was like watching Liza Minelli and Bea Arthur (yes, the corpse) suck face. Nasty, nasty stuff.

Anyway, a rather entertaining movie. I totally wouldn't pay to see it in a theater, but sitting in my house watching it was a-ok.

Here are your Drive-In Totals:
Gallons of blood used: 85
Circumference of Henry Rollins neck: 32 inches
Really stupid decisions: Lost count
Blow Jobs: 1 (yes...I'm telling the truth)
Exploding arrow-fu
Upside-down lesbian-douchebag death embrace

3 stars