Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Boogety Blargh!

I just wanted to take this small nook in the dark, dusty recesses of a far corner of the Internet to wish everyone a safe and happy Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, then please have a safe and happy Friday. Take the time to tell your loved ones that you love them, and give them a hug. I would strongly advise against sending e-cards...those things suck. Please, there are much better ways to show the spirit of the season than a crappy e-card that takes 10 minutes to load and 30 seconds to view.

For instance, you could light a bag of poop on fire and set it on someone's doorstep. That is far less irritating than an e-card.

Also, you could simply kick the person in the head. It may be a little more painful, but it uses no bandwidth and it gets the point across loud and clear.

I'm not saying that those are good things to do, but they would certainly be more appreciated than an e-card.

In any case, take the time to be with family and enjoy their company!

Monday, December 7, 2009


The Christmas season is upon us...well, most of us. For some, the Voodoo Day season is upon you, or maybe the season of "Hurray, it's Friday, December 25th...bugger off" is upon you. No matter what season it is, it's a season, okay? Just go with it.

Anyway, I have some observations to share with you, dear reader (yes, there is probably still one of you...maybe two)--observations of the Christmas season.

1. The song "Feliz Navidad" is possibly the worst Christmas song ever written. Seriously. It really has ony one set of lyrics that are repeated about five times. Sure, it's cool because part of it is in Spanish etc...but think about this: part of "Dora the Explorer" is in Spanish...are you going to tell me that Dora is cool? Well, okay...having a talking monkey as your best friend would be pretty cool...and there are some rather cool, trippy things that happen in her world...but that's beside the point. Anyway, "Feliz Navidad" is my least favorite Christmas song, followed closely by "Santa Baby".

2. The song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" has a line in it that says "there'll be scary ghost stories"...what kind of messed up Christmas is that?? "And Santa came down the chimney...and was devoured by hungry zombies!!! Dude, Halloween was almost two months ago. Even I have let it go. Scary ghost stories on Christmas? These people must really not care if their kids actually go to bed on Christmas Eve. Me? I'd much prefer my children to be sleeping happily. (As a side note, I think a story with both Santa and zombies would be made of pure awesome.)

3. There is such thing as eating too many cookies. This has nothing to do with Christmas. It's simply something I discovered tonight.

4. The Christmas season essentially started in July. Seriously. Ridiculous.

5. There is a local radio station that started playing all Christmas music a few days before Thanksgiving. A little early, but a great idea. Problem is, I am guaranteed to hear "Feliz Navidad" and "Santa Baby" at least once an hour. In actuality, the radio station only has about 15 songs in the rotation.

6. I miss believing in Santa Claus.