Friday, April 30, 2010

Hello Starcraft, my old friend

It's been well over 10 years. Perhaps 12 years?

I have not seen you in a long time. How are you doing? Are things still going well? We should get together! We should definitely get together! You just say the word.

Many things have changed since we last got together. The world is a much different place for me as I'm sure it is for you.

Oh, and I hope you're okay with me jamming zillions of zerglings, mutalisks, and roaches into your base and ripping it to pieces. I'm just saying.

It really has been too long. But, like the good friend you lose touch with, it's good when you reconnect. Having played a few days in the Starcraft 2 beta test, I can say that I am glad it's back.

It's essentially the same game--a massive, frantic clickfest guaranteed to give you the worst mouse claw hand you've ever seen (and yes, Diablo, I include you in that). Yes, it's the same game...jumping off a cliff with its hair on fire screaming "Yeeeehaaawwww!"

There is change, though. Only about 1/3 of the units from the original make a return, and I don't think any units from the expansion made the cut. There are different buildings and different dynamics with defenses and offenses but, yes, the game is still the same at its heart.


I cannot profess that I am really that good at it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I fail miserably. What I most look forward to is playing co-op games with against the AI opponents. that was always the most fun in the past and I see no reason that will change. Playing competitively is a good way to hone my skills but gets tiresome since I usually find something shiny and lose my concentration, then get my ass handed to me by some 10-year-old who is able to play it 24/7 because he doesn't go to school.

So how about it, Starcraft 2? Wanna grab a coffee, maybe see a movie? Then we can pummel the hell out of each other until our mouse clicking index fingers fall off...and then after our prosthetic index fingers disintegrate, we'll call it a day.

Also, say "hello" to your brother, Warcraft. I hear he's got a pretty sweet gig going these days. Any chance you'll follow in his footsteps?

See ya.

Monday, April 19, 2010

They Look Like Meatballs!

So, now that Spring has arrived, I have planted this year's seedlings for the garden. Not only that but I also got a composter!! I mean, seriously, is there nothing more fantastically exciting than talking about kitchen waste, dirt, and worms? You now have a rather dirty, dusty window into the miracle that is my life.

So I planted the usual--tomatoes, peppers, jalapenos, broccoli, and brussels sprouts. But I also added carrots, peas, and zucchini. And, now, the zucchini and peas are taking over the house. Seriously. They grew so much so fast...yesterday, they asked for the car keys and money to go to the mall. I told them "no", and they said I was the meanest gardener ever, and that I ruined their lives.

I have yet to actually plant anything in the garden yet. I've cut the grass twice and used the clippings to mix up in the garden, and the plants are all in peat pots on the deck. But I need to get them in the ground soon. Hopefully the frost will stay away and I'll stop being lazy. It would be nice if both of those happened. And then we can get to the next level--me asking the plants nicely to produce stuff to eat and them shaking their little plant heads and telling me to piss off.

I don't have a Drive-In Movie Review this week because Syfy's movie was the remake of "The Hitcher". I've seen the original and it was rather decent. I watched 30 minutes of the new one and demanded my money back. Unfortunately, I was yelling at my cat and he spent all his money on crack.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Roses are red...

Violets are blue,
And sometimes, I like to drink out of the toilet.

Some things on my mind:

  1. People who blatantly disregard traffic laws and screw over everyone around them should have a special place in Hell reserved for them.
  2. When the go-ahead is given for people to register for events on Gencon's website, the world trembles and is brought to its knees.
  3. Some of the best exercise involves walking around the zoo with a 4-year-old on your shoulders.
  4. You can make a buttload of cash if you charge $5 for parking when most people are parking for only 15 minutes or so.
  5. I really loathe Sundays. Especially when there is no football.

Also...Syfy Pictures Presents: Mega Piranha

When a movie stars one celebrity you might have heard of, and that celebrity is Tiffany, you should probably listen to your gut instinct and not watch it. I, on the other hand, don't pay attention very well, and I watched it. Bad for me, good for you (if you like to read the drivel I post).

So...people are monkeying around with DNA...again. This time, some bimbo (Tiffany) has created a type of piranha that is more vicious and... is growing into, you guessed it, mega piranha! They eat people, they eat boats, they eat...well, just about everything. The leap out of the water and imbed themselves into buildings too! It's your basic piranha mayhem at its best which, on the normal scale of things, equals about the worst movie you've ever seen.

So you can probabl follow along here...Tiffany and some dude are now trying to stop the piranha. But the evil Venezualan military is hampering their efforts. So the first solution? Shoot them! Obviously everything can be answered with bullets right? Wrong. The piranha apparently have armor now! Imagine piranha swimming around with little flack jackets and helmets and, well, that would be infinitely more entertaining than what was actually happening, which was really nothing.

The next solution? BLOW THEM UP! That's the Syfy way! Of course, all of these plans fail miserably and lots of people get munched along the way. Oh, did I mention that the piranha are a) reproducing asexually and b) growing second sets of organs? I was waiting for the moment that they'd grow laser beams on their heads.

All in all a rather crappy movie. It did produce a few laughs, but most of those were at the expense of the really really, really bad CGI that was probably created by the director's 8-year-old son.

Here are your Drive-In Totals:

  • Heads munched: at least 2
  • Piranha imbedded in objects: 3
  • Destroyed battleships: 1
  • Flying fish: Lots
  • Washed-up pseudo pop stars: 1
  • Frenzying
  • Teeth-fu

1 star