Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas

Just wanting to stop and take a moment to wish all of you readers (all two and a half of you) a Merry Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, then I hope whatever holiday you celebrate is awesome. And if you don't celebrate a holiday at this time, then Happy Sunday! :)

Whatever you do, have a safe and wonderful day and try to remember all of the good things in life that make you happy.


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

It's Been a Year Already?

It's that time of year again...the season is in full swing. Money is spent and, just like every other year, I feel as if it was a huge waste of money. Never is there much satisfaction in this transaction (ooh, I rhymed!).

You might think the blessed event to which I refer is Christmas shopping. Nay, I say. Sometimes I enjoy Christmas shopping. Certainly, where Christmas shopping is represented by a unicorn made of lollipops, this event is represented by a pissed off, undead platypus made of licorice jelly beans and pure hatred.

Also, the platypus has naked pictures of me and is going to post them on the Internet. Oh, and he has a chainsaw...though I have no idea what he's going to use it for. Yeah, I hate this event that much. But what...what event could possibly be this putrid and vile, you ask? Three words.


Every time we pay this "bill", I feel like I just paid someone perfectly good money to punch babies and make my life miserable. Every time, I feel like a piece of me dies horribly in a tire fire, screaming "Whyyyyyy???" If that part of me is cancer, then I suppose I could handle that. Otherwise, no dice.

So, yeah...every year that's a check I don't want to write. Why? Because our Homeowner's Association is silly. You may or may not remember that I used to be the Vice President and, then, the President of such an accursed pact. I joined so that I could keep the association from doing things that normally piss off homeowners. Long story short...our Homeowner's Association is silly. Normally I'd use stronger words but I'm feeling festive!!

But enough about that. How about this?

Syfy Saturday Presents: Snowmageddon (cue suspenseful music and shocked gopher-like creature).

So you're all being comfy on the couch and decide to watch this "Snowmageddon" movie because, in the past, Syfy has delivered some awesome gems of the cinema, right? So there's this small, rather isolated town, right? And people are all going about their business, doing their normal "pre-disaster" activities like buying toilet paper and...using toilet paper. Nobody suspects anything until BOOM!!! Oh no! Hell! It's broken loose! Aaaaaa!!!

Sounds like any normal Syfy movie, right? WRONG!! You are so wrong! You couldn't be any more wrong if you had an automatic "Wrong machine" on the wrongest day of the wrongest month of the WRONGEST YEAR!!!

Okay, actually, you're pretty close. But, see, there's this magic snowglobe causing everything. I know, right? And once they find out, this kid and his father can't get anyone to believe them!!!

But that's only true for, like, three minutes. Surprisingly, after a few seconds of skepticism, everyone jumps on board and is all like "Yeah, we believed you from the start!" and "I wanna have your babies!!" and "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"

So...that's pretty much it. Snowglobe. Disasters. Oddly enough, the movie is titled "Snowmageddon" but snow actually has a very small part in the whole story. Volcanoes, mystical ground spikes, and earthquakes take center stage instead. They probably should have called this movie "Randomshitmageddon".

Oh, also, this movie stars nobody you've heard of. Trust me.

Okay, so here are your Drive-In Totals:
Ski punks snuffed: 2
Mysteriously disappearing babysitters: 1
Downed helicopters: 1
Really far-out metaphors relating to a nerdy board game that is patterned heavily after Lord of the Rings: 1
Snoring (sorry, that was me)
Evil storms

2 stars

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Alright, so it's been a while since I've written anything here. Mostly, with Thanksgiving, I sort of forgot. Add to that a sizeable amount of laziness and a pinch of...more laziness, and you have my excuse.
I don't really have a whole lot say during this update. And, as I have this philosophy of not writing anything when there is nothing to be written, I suppose I'll be quite brief!
Time is flying. Halloween has been over for a month and, yet, it seems like it was just last week. Thanksgiving has flown past, and now it is time to tie everything down, hide the children, feed the pets, and prep for Christmas.
Lately, I've been immersed in Skyrim. I'm not really sure anything else needs to be said about this except...stay away from the giants and their precious mammoths!! For the love of god, just leave them alone!! Also, leave Britney alone!!!
In addition, I have slowly been playing through Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary Edition on Legendary difficulty. And it's really fun to see all of the old game redone in a new, updated style. It's like visiting an old friend who has a new hairdo...and bought new clothes...and actually showers now.
Maybe the level "The Library" will be more fun? :)
Anyway, that's about it for now. I haven't seen any Syfy movies because of all the holiday stuff, football and whatnot. But I intend to get back to them soon. Because, well, I know that I'm about the only person who watches them. And, without me, that whole network will go under!