Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Apocalypse is Upon Us!!!

No, I'm not talking politics. Though that could certainly be considered an apocalypse. I won't argue that.

No, I am referring to your average, ordinary, every day zombie apocalypse. Yes, it is upon us. And where have the zombies started  their invasion? The answer would most logically be...um...a random, unimportant piece of land outside a small town...where nobody would actually be harmed or otherwise care.

Okay, I'm talking about the Run For Your Lives zombie run. What's that? You want the gory details? Well, okay...I guess so.

I arrived around 7:30 after downing copious amounts of coffee. Said coffee was dealt with shortly after and I then proceeded to get ready. I got into what was quite a long line for my wave. We were then loaded into one of three, what I call, chutes...yep--felt just like a cow. They were labeled "Appetizers" (9 min./mile runners), "Entrees" (9-12 min./mile), and "Dessert" (12+ min./mile). I chose "Entrees" because, while I can run a 7 1/2 minute mile, I knew I wasn't going to today. Also, I noticed that the "Appetizers" group was not very large. Safety in numbers. Better them than me!

The 5k was mostly through the woods--trod on dusty, narrow paths up hills and down dry gullies and creek beds. The fact that it hasn't rained in ages was a boon in this instance, and the mild August weather helped out a lot.

Then I met the zombies. They're there...standing in your way, looking hungrily at your three life flags (flags worn around your waist). They grope at you, moaning and staggering, hoping to get a taste of my awesomely spectacular brain matter. Most were the slow, "Night of the Living Dead" zombies. But, every once in a while, one would get off their lazy ass and give chase, a la "Dawn of the Dead" or Left4Dead.

There were also obstacles ranging from puny walls to leap over to mud pits, to enclosures with electrified wires hanging from the ceiling. Yep...real live electricity flowing through wires--enough to be uncomfortable and make your body convulse briefly. Tree trunks, mud crawls, and waterslides rounded out these challenges. Nothing like running through a horde of zombies with soaked, mud-caked shoes! I suppose zombies armed with shotguns would be worse. But they'd probably just try to eat the shotguns--except for that one zombie...I've got my eye on you, mister!

I am happy to report that, unlike 80%+ of the poor cattle...er...other innocent running humans, I survived!! Of my three flags, I escaped with one left! I kept two until very close to the end when five zombies bumrushed me at once. I attribute this to the fact that I had to run through them alone...because everyone else was already dead.

The pace was "jog a little, then sprint through large groups of zombies. Then rest a bit...walk a bit...rinse, repeat." When I was finished, I was more mud than anything else. It was good to have a shower when I got home!

This is after I cleaned up a bit and changed clothes. The shirt is possibly one of the nicest shirts I've received from a running event.

Special thanks go out to my family who stood by me through the whole event, even though they weren't able to stay and watch (because, stupidly enough, you had to pay to do so...screw that).

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Let the Games Be...er...Continue!

The Olympics!

You might be saying "Bah, humbug...what do I care about the Olympics? I hate sports...grumble grumble grumble." Yes, I am sure that's exactly how everyone says it...with their arms crossed in front of them and a frown on their sour face. Think Scrooge...with a beanie hat, clown shoes, and a parrot on his shoulder.

So I am a huge fan of the Olympics. I will watch them day in and day out and it doesn't really matter what sport they're showing.

And it's not so much the sports themselves. That's about half of it. I really enjoy the spirit of the Olympics. It's a time when countries come together to play games, hang out, and experience other cultures. What can be better than that? Were we all so lucky

Sure, there are moments of tension or people who can't control their mouths but, on the whole, I truly believe most everyone simply enjoys being there to represent their country and have the chance to win a disc made of some metal that we humans have assigned a value to.

And the Olympics produce some amazing stories of triumph, defeat, and courage. I would say that the Olympics is probably the best reality show ever put on, and it's definitely the longest-running.

Yes, I think it is unfortunate that professional athletes are allowed to compete in the games. And, also yes, the definition of "professional athlete" can sometimes be ambiguous. But I am of the opinion that, if you get paid for your sport and, especially, if there is a professional circuit in which you participate, then you have no place in the Olympics. Give the everyman his chance in the sun.

Anyway, that's it. A quick blurb has escaped my cranium.